I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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