how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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