The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
