I am midnight drunk by noon
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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