this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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