I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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