Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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