just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
