If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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