i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
