tell your sister to shave her snatch
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
