The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
