your parents love me but you hate me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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