So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
