Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
