she looked like the before picture.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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