I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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