He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
