I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
