so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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