How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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