careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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