I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
