when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
