can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
