You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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