btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
