u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
