were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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