Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
