Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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