Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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