i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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