i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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