I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
