She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
