you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
