you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
