He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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