Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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