i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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