how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
