My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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