ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
