so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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