I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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