god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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