We need to start having sex underwater more often.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
