Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
