Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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