I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
