ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
