There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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