there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
