New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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