You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
